I love my subwoofer, it speaks to my soul. I can feel the good vibrations reverberating in my lungs, making every exhale echo the glorious tones of the music I’m experiencing. Sometimes, I forget that I’m only human, and believe that I am actually breathing music, that every beat and chord and lyric is what powers my muscles and thoughts. Well, the latter could be said to be true at all times.
House music and a moderately cranked sub is such a fulfilling experience I recommend to everyone.
I think, after a particularly surreal and cutting nightmare, I’m ready to admit that I am depressed.
I feel like crap today. Have had a nasty cold since yesterday morning and chose to power through it to get things done at work. Now I’m paying for it severely.
Still, at least I rewired a burnt harness on a truck and brought that back from the brink. I wouldn’t have liked taking today off knowing I was so close to finishing a job.
I spent two hours writing my thoughts on the Season 2 finale of The Walking Dead Game and was making some final corrections when windows threw a box up telling me to restart now for updates or postpone - right as I pressed the ‘n’ key to correct the word ‘many’.
Apparently windows update believes ‘n’ means ‘yes’, and force closed chrome before I could do anything to save the post.
The only joke/comparison I can make to this stupid concept is too poor of taste to post on tumblr or speak to a single soul. All I can say is that this is one of many reasons why nobody can have nice things.
"Do you know what’s going on?"
"No, only a lot of shouting."
"Do you have any opinion on what’s been happening?"
"I have no opinion because I don’t know what’s been going on."
I could write several drafts of this text post, but all I really want to communicate is that I’m tired. Not sleepy. Just tired.
Taking each day with a less and less genuine smile is tiring, being dragged into things I have no interest in is tiring, and sending messages to people and NEVER hearing back is tiring.
…And on cue, Skype has notified me that someone I once had an incredibly close relationship with is now online. Barring them happening upon this tumblr post, I bet they won’t respond to even a simple ‘hello’.
We shall see, I’m not going to assume, I’m going to try. If I’m proven right, then I guess I can suffocate in that hollow victory. If I’m proven wrong, then I’m going to feel so sorry spilling my thoughts out at them.
I’m tired of making nothing but text posts, but I need somewhere to speak.
I don’t feel well. Something’s bothering me and I don’t want to explore it because I know what it is. I want it to just go away. I want to fix it but there just seems to always be an obstacle being fabricated in my mind. An obstacle that isn’t even there but it blocks me just as well.
There is just no excuse I can give to people, these barriers do not exist to them. There is no evidence of anything keeping me from functioning. It is all inside my head, but why do I find it so damn daunting to clear it?
It’s not worth this stress. It’s not even worth discussing. Everyone has it worse than me, I should be able to deal with it alone.