Let’s try and get things done before this month is out…
I’m being a baby and I know it. Best to stop and sleep on it. The morning will bring a better day and what got me riled up will cease to matter.
I can always go back and try again tomorrow.
That’s a load off my mind, actually. Not super productive to most people. but this session has cleared a major mental hurdle. Not only did it remove the art block, but it’s also convinced my brain that the room is logical and ready to have finer details worked in.
no way, if someone’s been hurting you and you eventually lash out at them, they had it coming. you don’t need to apologize, and they probably won’t apologize. and you’ll both just kind of seethe in your shared anger for a while.
That’s how I’ve been feeling it should be, minus the seething part. The seething is was led up to this point, I’d be my own worst enemy to let it start over again.I just wonder because people make the ‘apologise for the moral high ground’ argument often. But I feel that would just permit the behaviour to happen again. If I never apologise, it means I wouldn’t regret mouthing off again if there ever is a next time.
If someone pisses you off so much that you eventually mouth off at them and say hurtful things, should you be expected to apologise first? Should you even apologise?
There’s like, three different threads of thought going around in my head. Positive things. All brought about by a slight lack of sleep.
Let’s just put these on the screen here.
I appreciate the support some people have shown. I don’t like to vent online about personal matters but you lot let me know that you at least understand how I feel. It feels a lot less isolating and insurmountable knowing that people can relate to how I’m feeling. Again, I don’t like talking about my issues online because nobody follows me for that, but thanks for understanding and tolerating it.
Right now I’m pretty much pulling an all nighter until I cannot stay awake. I’m in that zone of being too tired to be stressed but awake enough to draw from the better parts of my imagination. It’s not quite like the pleasantly chaotic hum I usually experience every day, but it’s better than what I’ve had for the past few weeks.
Anything more I post is pretty much getting the ‘delete later’ tag from here on out. I’m probably gonna keep the half-story post though. It’s… it’s a good thing coming out of a bad place.
I could make lots of excuses, but nobody will accept them. The fact of the matter is that I’ve had nothing but hell since I returned home from Seattle. Actual. Living. Hell.
I am… I’m the one that buries them.
Whenever a little animal passes, peacefully or otherwise, I’m typically the one who recovers them and finds a box for them. I’m the one that keeps a blank expression and low voice seated in responsibility, while everyone mourns or looks on. I’m the one that quietly digs the hole and digs it bigger and deeper than needed. And I’m the one that wordlessly sees each creature off and hopes they have it better now than they did in life.
Sometimes I wonder how I am the only one here that others entrust with this responsibility. After all I do to prevent things like this happening, when they know just how much the smallest things can get to me, surely they’d believe I was not fit for this job. Surely they’d believe that I’d be ignorant of the inevitable because it would hurt too much, or get in the way of me caring so much for the living.
They don’t believe that - and I don’t believe that either. The truth is, there is no one better for this. Someone who respects the lives of all creatures is also someone who respects death. Just as I take responsibility to help the sick and injured I also take responsibility to lay them to rest when there is nothing left to do.
You may say that I care for all creatures and will do my best to help them. But even then, I am the one that buries them, too.
110% done with today. I’m gonna bust into either Destiny’s (MLP) universe or Survivor Shy’s whether I’m inspired to or not.
A world where the planet is almost decimated by its sun is preferable to reality right now. As is a post-cataclysmic ruin told through the eyes of someone who took it the hardest.
Just… screw reality. I’m bailing out before it takes away the strength to escape. I’m gonna draw or write and its gonna probably look like crap but it’ll be better than watching things fall apart.
An alternate universe where zombies are real and are incredibly difficult to drive to extinction, yet it hasn’t changed the world much. People still have barbeques in their backyards, children still play tag in the street, and cities still bustle with people going about their day.
Zombies are simply another vicious predator in a long line of threats to humans, and people just take it in their stride and deal with them when they show up. If anything zombies have made society stronger through the importance of strong local communities working to cull the zombie population to acceptable levels.
Low-level jobs like garbage disposal and street cleaning are high-paying hazard jobs easily available to high school graduates. Zombie hunting is a viable and booming career path offered by private companies as well as the country’s army.
The world is pretty much like it is now, only with a zombie twist in the background.